Guest Post: Step Mum vs. Bio Mum

Today we have a guest post about being a stepmother by Priscilla Appeaning.  I read the post and chuckled; family life can be challenging, these challenges can become dramatic when the family is blended and there is a step mother who pushes against reality instead of embracing it.  As I read this post I thought only Nene Leakes will do!  Nene GIFs sum up drama like no other.  Please do not ask me what Nene Leakes is in and what her talents are other than the sweetest shade because I don't watch house wife reality tv however, I live for Nene memes!

On a serious note Priscilla Appeaning has a blog called Unsettled Mum where she blogs about her journey to achieving greatness, marriage, motherhood, being a step mother and anything else that floats her boat.  You can check out Priscilla's blog here.

On my blog I’ve already touched on the subject of being a step mum in a less direct/personal manner but stuff has happened that has made me want to speak on a more personal level

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Let me be absolutely real yeah?! Sometimes being a step mum sucks (let the judgement begin, I don’t actually mind). I’ll tell you why though; one reason is obviously because of my step kids. In the same way I can and do say that my bio kids drive me nutty is the same way I’m telling you point-blank that my step kids drive me nutty. The only difference  is I can scream at my kids till I’m satisfied  I’ve released all my tension.  With my step kids however, I have to refer back to their dad because I get it, I wouldn’t want anyone shouting at my kids for whatever reason so I wouldn’t do it to someone else’s. This is not the meat of this blog though.

 

The BIO MUM!

First off neither man nor woman in this world grows up saying I want to be a step parent but, life happens and I can accept or reject what it throws at me. Life has thrown me a bio mum that decided to see me as an enemy right of the bat. Why I hear you ask? I don’t actually know but I can hazard a guess...

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  1. She wants the fella back, my response is over my dead body and I plan to be here until till he dies ya dig?!
  2. She’s jealous of me, my response is I understand if you are jealous of my set up and I my role as the mummy bear but you can’t be jealous of me per se because you don’t know me.
  3. She’s crazy and loves drama, I have no response. *side eyes* 👀

Regardless what the reason could be all I can be sure of is what I would love to say if given the chance…

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  • In my household my rules reign so do not fill your child with rules and regulations when they are coming over
  • Your child is not just his father’s responsibility when he is in our home.  He's my responsibility too whether you like it or not and I don’t take that lightly
  • I absolutely dislike you too but will be absolutely civil not only because I am a grown up but because my peace will not be shaken.
  • This is not a competition – don’t ever try to 'one up" me or the child’s father because no one over here is playing your game
  • I AM NOT AND WILL NEVER TRY OR MAKE IT SEEM LIKE I AM TRYING TO REPLACE YOU. I’m cool being the step parent being addressed as Aunty.
  • Your child has a Step mum, get over it!
  • Respect my husband
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But alas I remain silent as is expected and swallow the BS I hear in between pickups and drop offs albeit sometimes funny. I do this because I love my husband very much and even though all of me wants to take a trip to petty-land, I stay on track to avoid making life harder for him when entering exchanges with her. I actually pride myself on being blameless. Most of all I remain silent because we have some things in common...

 

 

 

I have biological children too and if I was to put myself in her shoes I’d be über sensitive as well, I do get it. Why would any woman want a woman they don’t know and didn’t choose to be a part of their child’s life, partaking in affection, achievements and family moments? No woman that's who but as I said before life happens and this dear you can’t reject.

It sucks for the bio mum but the best way to deal with it is to stop fighting against the tide and ride the waves because I am bloody amazing and here to stay forever and a day.

Let’s talk again soon,

Cilla xx