Whatsapp Wahala

Whatsapp can be a very handy app, in times of crisis you can reach a number of people at once.  You can be in instant communication with anyone around the world without ending up with a phone bill that makes you look like this:  

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However there are many downsides for example people literally believe that they have a right to command your instant attention.  I once had a partner that would complain that I took ages to read and respond to messages in the day... I tried to explain that my work involves me driving a lot, spending a lot of time in meetings or with children which makes it difficult to respond to everything.  Additionally I am a person and sometimes I don't want to answer.  In the end I turned off my read receipts as I could not cope with the pressure.  At one point I thought I was going to block him... then the penny dropped, he wasn't for me and I had to end the relationship.

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The other relationship pet hate, is the 'good morning' and 'good night' message.  Yes I accept that I am weird but I find that shit barren and annoying.  Tell me something, quote an inspirational passage, send me some kind of affirmation to get my day off to a good start, damn send me a confirmation that you just put money in my account (ok that one is a joke, I'm and independent woman, blah, blah, blah *insert emoji eyes*).  But every day ordinary good morning / good night??

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Then there are the family whatsapp groups.  The immediate family - parents and siblings.  The extended family group - parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and the sibling whatssapp where you talk about your parents abuse of whatsapp and facebook.  If you are the child of immigrant parents you also get the joy of their mispronunciation of words and appreciation of tacky things you pretend are nice but laugh about in the sibling whatsapp group.

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The thing about the family whatsapps is it will kill your memory because of the chain mail about scams taking place in every country except England.  Yes mum I am referring to the South African scam alert you sent on Monday.

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Then there are the Psalms and Koran quotes, yes that's how we roll, Christian, Muslim and floating in between.  That said the Psalms and Koran quotes, bruh (by bruh I mean parents and aunts) chill.  The way my memory is full already!  One aunt has been blocked, I WILL block another... you can't block your parents though... or can you???

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Also can immigrant parents stop sending messages about how well cousins back home or in other countries are doing?!?  I am nearly *insert age* and still figuring it out!  My ego can't cope AND distant relative or not I DON'T KNOW THEM.

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Also friends and family don't send *important* information amidst the important information about things we already know.  Important information about things we already know are things like Trump saying and now doing racist, misogynistic and Islamaphobic things, we don't need to read "Shocking news" to know that.  We know that eating bacon gives you cancer, we don't need further research and we know plantain is pronounced plantAIN not planTIN.   Do not tell me that you need me to do something or your can't do school pick up amidst this mess as I will end up getting a call saying my child is still at school at 4.00pm.  I'll sulk and be passive aggressive as I can't really switch as you did tell me (amidst nonsense) and you do so much for me on a day-to-day basis I couldn't possibly tell you that I am RAGING as that would seem ungrateful!

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Then the friendship whatsapp groups.... lord, lord, lord where do I begin?

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The celebrity gossip... now I'll be honest I love and hate it... mostly hate it.  But if the mood suits me I love a good laugh at the expense of celebrities... even if those I am laughing at are highly successful, famous, apparently happy and continuing to excel... damn, you see my life.

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Or when someone is deliberately trying to get the attention of the group but their attention seeking antics are too much so we ignore...

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Or the friend in the group that will say, "I'm so happy"...  Literally that is it, waiting for the questions to come flooding in, however we are like.

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Or when someone wants to draw cards about something that happened two years ago and you ask them to give you an example for clarity...

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And they reach for the screen shot... and you open a new message to another friend and you can already that they are 'typing' and you immediately know some shady joke is about to land on your screen.  You feel like a bitch but can see also see the humour.  It's too early to make a joke with the person you've offended so you apologise in the group.. however you are also all up in the individual conversation on the side like...

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After the laughter disappears you start to re-evaluate life, calculate how much time you waste in whatsapp groups and either delete whatsapp altogether, leave the group(s), archive / mute (but still check anyway because FOMO) and blame whatsapp (and social media) for not reaching your goals and your faux depression.

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Making plans...

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That said whatsapp can be a source of joy!  Like when one of your homies surprises you with her first scan picture <3

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Or home girl gets promoted / starts a business she has been dreaming about for years / has first date in 2 years.

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Homegirl goes back to new bae's place AND his book shelf is full of books she has read and or wants to read.

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Whatsapp is a great tool, but like all things in life too much is no good... so I have left a number of groups and will try to call people...

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Use my BEST endeavours to see them IRL more often than at birthdays...

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Note I said try and use my best endeavours...

Got any whatsapp joys or grievances to add to the list?  Add them in the comments below!

Always with love,

xx Tamu